Jeremy Corbyn

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John Kelly John Kelly
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Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn's election diary 04/05/17

I'm worried. Very worried.
The country I love, and indeed cherish, is in a terrible state. There's no money, people aren't happy, and I can see civil disorder coming to the streets soon. It's so bad it's giving me sleepless nights. But that's enough about Venezuela, it appears I have an election to fight here in the UK.
I popped down to Labour Headquarters today to see how I could help the cause, but that bloody awful John McDonnell was sat in my office. He's taken down my pictures of Martin McGuinness and Gerry Adams and replaced them with a huge portrait of Karl Marx. I could even see my old Hamas flag sticking out of the bin. I tried to tell him I wanted my office back, but he put me in a headlock and took my dinner money off me. Again.
Luckily, Seumas Milne came in and broke it up, such a nice boy. Now that he has explained my office is being moved to the shed on my allotment for "strategic" reasons, it all makes sense! I was getting dreadfully worried about the rhubarb, what with all this campaigning. Now that Seamus has explained I can combine my political and horticultural energies at the allotment, I feel better. He even gave me a bag of Quavers to make up for John nicking my lunch money. True Socialism in action!
On a more positive note, it looks as if we are going to storm ahead at the Local Elections, only losing about 100 seats, which I must say is a bit of a result considering we are fighting the entire capitalist system. It should give us a great springboard for the General Election.
I'm so looking forward to the General Election, actually. Dianne Abbott came round to the allotment yesterday and we sat down for some (Fairtrade) green tea. She's quite a woman. I don't mind admitting, I've had some misgivings about how we're going to pay for everything we keep promising, but she allayed my fears totally. She wrote down some sums on the back of an old (organic) fertiliser packet, and demonstrated how affordable everything is going to be. If only we all had Dianne's financial clarity. I can't help thinking that I let good woman go!
Anyway, back to the Local Elections. I was going to pop down later and hand out some CND leaflets at the polling station before voting myself, but Len McCluskey has just called and says he's going to drive me down there to make sure I vote Labour. I'm a bit upset about it, because I really, really liked the Green candidate, but Len has said that he pays for me, so he owns me. Whatever that means! Still, best not to cause any conflict, especially as he keeps on punching me in the kidneys and calling me "spaz" when I don't do what he tells me.
At least I'll have the last laugh on Len this time, though. He can't take my dinner money as John already has it!
The Oracle The Oracle
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Re: Jeremy Corbyn

As much as it saddens me to say it, this does sum up the current Labour party. I have no doubt that Jeremy Corbyn is a "good" person but I'm afraid he is living in the past. The world has changed dramatically and he is just not Prime Minister material.
Peter. C Peter. C
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Peter. C Peter. C
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Mary S Mary S
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Peter,
I fear you a correct about Jeremy Corbyn - good honest man that he is I cannot see him surviving this election - the Labour Party are not in a position to gain power sadly. I will vote for Labour if I have the option as I have said before - I couldn't bring myself to vote Tory especially given my local MP does not represent me in any way, shape or form. I am not sure who would be a suitable replacement - I personally would hate another Blairite but the party seem to be of the opinion that a centre right Labour person would be more likely to gain power.  I wonder what you think, having been a Labour supporter - do you have any suggestions? Friends have suggested Yvette Cooper or Tom Watson [who I feel has not be a supportive deputy] - I just don't know. The country is in dire need of good politicians and we are sadly lacking - there are very with the qualities to govern the country.
The Oracle The Oracle
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Hi Peter,

At this moment in time I really haven't a clue as to who may make a good leader
for the labour party. Presumably Mr Corbyn will be outed after the election and it depends who emerges as a possible replacement. After Ed Milliband and Jeremy Corbyn I dread to think who the party members will select. Who knows maybe it will be third time lucky after these two disastrous choices. I have still not forgiven Tony Blair for the manner in which he "arranged" for Gordon Brown to step into his shoes. What I do know is that unless they come up with an acceptable coherent immigration policy, I will not be voting for them. Likewise with the Tories, there must be no going back on free movement.
Peter. C Peter. C
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Mary S Mary S
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Peter,
It looks like you might be wavering!! I hope so!! The manifesto is definitely going in the right direction - I agree that the NHS should not be used as a political football but unfortunately the Tories have due to their reluctance to deal with the fact that it is failing - they have also, not, refuted the fact that they would like to privatise it - it is already happening by stealth.
I hope Oracle is wavering too?
This manifesto is definitely going towards a better and more equal society and it is what we need, especially with Brexit on the horizon.
John Kelly John Kelly
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Jeremy Corbyn's election diary 12/05/17

Terrible nights sleep last night. The Romanian Gypsies camping in my garden had one of their parties again last night.
The noise was horrendous.
The wife told me to go out there and put a stop to it, but I explained to her that we have to respect and embrace different cultures. These people are visitors to our country, and need to be welcomed.
She was unimpressed. "Different culture? Jeremy, they're drunk, they're fighting, and if I'm not mistaken, they've set your shed on fire!"
I couldn't deny it, as I could see flames lighting up the sky. "I'm sure that it's just high spirits. With the knowledge of my impending election victory, they're probably celebrating that they won't be deported."
She clearly wasn't respecting my viewpoint. "Sleep on the sofa", she said.
This was, of course, impossible as I already had two Somalian refugees sleeping on the sofa, so I spent an uncomfortable night on a chair.
I was up early to recycle the Romanians bottles and cans. I went into my garden, and as expected the shed, and its contents were gone.
In its place stood a carwash.
This took me by surprise, as normally, you can't drive a car into my garden, but amazingly, all my neighbours fence panels had been removed allowing a route in and out.
I could only gaze in admiration at the enginuity and entrepreneurship of the Romanians, and this amazing structure with its "cash only" sign. How wonderful to see them clearly benefitting the economy. Although it did appear to be connected to my garden tap.
My joy was short lived however, as it appeared my neighbours didn't share my enthusiasm. "Where's our bloody fence panels?!", shouted Yussef from No 43.
There seemed to be a lot of angry neighbours actually. "How are you going to sort this one out, Corbyn?", shouted another.
It appeared that I was facing some difficulty. Luckily I'm an expert in dealing with difficult situations. I said nothing. And ran.
I arrived for today's press conference somewhat out of breath, but at least intact.
Andrew Fisher, my head of Policy was waiting. He looked nervous.
"Jeremy, you need to put in a good showing today. It's defence questions and we need you to look pro British, and not anti Armed Forces... Can you do that? Please..?"
I explained to him that I was more than happy to send our troops into a conflict. He looked relieved.
"Unarmed of course!", I continued. "I'm going to have them all retrained as counsellors. So that they can talk things through with the enemy. Resolve conflict. Get everyone round the table, have a cup of tea. Non confrontational problem solving!"
"You're retraining everyone as Counsellors?" He said aghast.
"Of course not! I'm keeping the RAF", I said.
He perked up. "Long range bombing?"
"Well... No...", I replied. "I was thinking more along the lines of leaflet drops. You know, Anti War Coalition type stuff."
Andrew reared up. "Even I realise that sometimes we have to get involved in conflicts! For Gods sake, every nation has to be prepared to defend itself! What if the Russians decided to invade!"
I was prepared for this one. "Ah.. well, then we'll go to the UN Security Council and get a unanimous agreement that we can defend ourselves"
Andrew looked furious. "Bloody hell, Jeremy! The Russians are on the Security Council! They'll just veto it!"
I smiled. "And that's democracy in action!"
He looked visibly drawn. "OK, let's draw a line under that one. Let's change the subject. What about Israel. What's the Labour position on Israel?"
Oh, that's an easy one Andrew", I said. "We'll bomb that lot".
John Kelly John Kelly
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Re: Jeremy Corbyn

Joking apart the Labour party are approaching a pivotal moment in their history, they are a ship without a rudder, without a competent captain or first officer to prevent them running aground.
A political leader needs to be charismatic,quick thinking and above decisive, a leader must be capable of putting place the policies that are demanded by the people or they will only be leading their party into the political wilderness

Labour has no one who can provide that leadership, as a consequence it is doomed to fail. They need to find a new visionary leader with more charisma than Corbyn, because a political system that does not possess a viable opposition will degenerate into a dictatorship and widen social division.
Come on Labour ditch the politics of yesteryear, find the policies that the majority need today or else For help us the LibDems could over to.e replace you.
The Oracle The Oracle
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As I have admitted in the past Economics on a large scale is not my forte and probably not that of the majority of voters. It seems this current labour party have yet another person who cannot do the maths. On the Andrew Marr show today John Macdonald told us that the 175billion pounds (not including the 38billion that they are going to put into the NHS) they are going to invest during the next parliament as part of a total of £250 billion over a period of 10 years, should they win the election will not cost us a penny. This money will materialise from taking over the utility companies and trains, based on the premise that for every 1% investment you get 1% of profit back, so in effect a neutral cost. What appears to be missing from his calculation is the sums of money Labour will have to pay the companies they are intending to nationalise. Perhaps John you can tell me if I have missed something!

John Kelly John Kelly
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No, a very pertinent point, well done.

I have to say that having looked at the manifesto's of the major parties I am filled with despair at the appalling state of politics in the UK, perhaps I will not bother voting for any of this useless shower of liars.
Peter. C Peter. C
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Mary S Mary S
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Hi Peter,
I like your style - what a great idea. In relation to the Railways - all that has to happen is wait for the franchises to run out and then do not renew them and take the railways back into public ownership. As for Electricity, Gas and Royal Mail - they did conjure up money for the failed banks so why not for re-nationalisation. The enormous profits made by the utilities could sort out the deficits. The Tories having borrowed more than during the entire tenure of the last Labour government.
The note left by the Labour minister about having no money left was a bit of a joke - the economy was starting to grow again 2.5% at the time - Osborne squashed any further growth until recently and that won't last. GDP is really low, high employment has not bought in the tax receipts due to the gig economy and low pay - it is all there in black and white. The economy is in a mess and needs internal investment and that requires borrowing, there is no short-term solution it will take many many years and with a more equal economy it should improve but since that seems unlikely with Mayism - it is not going happen. The rich don't spend as much as those with less money, proportionately, and that seems unlikely to change anytime soon.